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Home > Quitting my job...I guess

Quitting my job...I guess

March 27th, 2014 at 03:47 pm

Hey Everyone,
I'm sorry I have not checked in- things were settling into a nice routine and there were not much financial goings on.

Today that has all changed. (sad face)

I am settling into my current equestrian job after working there nearly 2 months. My husband has never liked me working there and I often felt conflicted -trying to please my husband and my boss.

My boss is not very good with time management and requests more tasks to be completed than my shift allows. Or she'll give me a time consuming task shortly before my shift ends. Or she will schedule my shift to end as large daily tasks need to be performed. Because of this I routinely stay 30 mins - 1 hr beyond my scheduled shift. My husband hates that because he is expecting me home at a specific time and he is often ready to hand the baby to me. So I'm often feeling like I let my boss down when I leave with tasks not completed. Or I stay at work and listen to my husband curse and whine that I'm not home when expected.

I requested a weekend off from work and was told that I'm not done with my 60 day probation time so I am not allowed to request time off. I work part time and gave my availability as "anytime day or night" and now that seems to be biting my ass. I cant really plan any outside activities because I might be working- but it's a part time job so I was expecting more flexibility. Husband is trying to get me to request off a 4 day period next month so we can travel to visit his grandparents- and I'm afraid to ask- I'm afraid it wont be allowed and it will cause a fight with my husband.

My husband does not feel that my hourly pay is worth the 30 minute each way commute. He thinks I am spending too much money in gas/ mileage to warrant my paycheck.

Also the baby refused to take a bottle starting the week I started working. For the past 2 months- husband has driven baby to me on my lunch break so I can feed her. This is a big inconvenience to husband and he hates how much he is spending in gas to do this.

The final straw came today where husband is demanding that I quit.

My boss told me that she cannot allow my husband to drive the baby to my work anymore for me to feed her. It's private property and technically no employee friends or families are allowed within the guard gates. But she allowed it thinking it was a short term request but it has persisted and now someone has complained. I'm not sure if it was a client or another staff member but my boss just said its not fair to the other staff and she cannot allow it to continue. I have to drive off property to meet husband and feed her. But I only get a half hour for lunch and she wont extend my lunch to accommodate my commute time cutting into the feeding. Husband is furious and says we should sue. Obviously I'm not going to do that but now husband is even less supportive of my job. He felt inconvenienced before and now he's not even allowed on the property when he felt he was disrupting his day to drive out there and back.

And in the same conversation my boss told me that my pre-determined lunch breaks are not working out. She said the barn has a dynamic schedule and she cant have me going off to lunch as the barn needs me. So me going off to take lunch when husband drives up is not working. She needs me to take lunch when there is down time- not when my husband shows up. From my perspective I'm trying to schedule husband to come during downtime- but I still have to coordinate him to come out in advance..he drives 30 mins- I cant just have him appear on a moments notice.

Bottom line is husband is not supportive of this job. He's telling me to find something closer to home. He wants me to find a part time job close to home that pays more. When I told him jobs are hard to find and its not very easy to get them- he told me to go work in a gas station- maybe it will pay the same but at least I wont be spending my paycheck commuting.

Mentally I think he is embarrassed that I work in a barn. He doesn't like telling people what I do- he doesn't like bending over backwards for a job he thinks is beneath me (or him). He describes my job to me with such anger and disgust like I'm so much better than it. He thinks my employer is taking advantage of me and that I'm overqualified for the job.

So to stop his ranting and anger- I told him I'll quit if he can cut our budget to accommodate the loss of my income. He said we will cut out cable, the house cleaner and his monthly massages.

He thinks I'll have another job in a few weeks and that I should spend as much time with the baby as I can before I go back to work.

He doesn't even want me to give 2 weeks notice to my current employer. He thinks I should just stop going.

So we are fighting.

I'm so disappointed this job didn't work out. I'm so disappointed that my husband who has never had an office job or tried to get a job (and is certainly not volunteering to find a job now) thinks I should just walk out my front door and find a replacement job that pays better, has better hours and allows me to set my own schedule around family trips and the babies needs.

17 Responses to “Quitting my job...I guess”

  1. Jenn Says:

    Boy, that was tough to read. Both your husband and your employer are pieces of work. You deserve better.

  2. Another Reader Says:

    I really don't have much patience with people that have never held a steady job telling me how I should interact with my workplace. Not give notice? That would be great for your reputation.

    This does sound like an unpleasant work environment, so in your shoes I would look for a higher paying, less stressful job closer to home while you still have this job. In the meantime, I would tell the husband that the baby needs to take the bottle and he needs to solve that problem himself. He has no business at your workplace. It looks to me like he is using the baby to drive a wedge between you and your job.

    Your reason for taking the job was to be around horses, not to make a huge amount of money. You knew about the low wages and the commute, but it was a way to be around the horses and possibly get some riding time in. Hubby needs to shut up, do his part with the baby, and be more supportive of you and your goals. Saying "no" to his unreasonable demands in this situation is the path I would take.

  3. Suzanne Says:

    Wow, you are really getting it from both sides. I personally think both the boss and the husband are being unreasonable, but I'm not sure what to tell you other than good luck!

  4. creditcardfree Says:

    ((Hugs))If you can do anything to stay on for two weeks, I think that would be best for reference purposes. It is possible, the boss will say that you can go without notice. I agree with your husband, that legally there could be an issue with them denying your feeding your baby. Although, I guess I'm thinking of workplaces needing to provide private areas to pump breast milk, not actually feed the baby on site. I think not allowing non employees on a business property is a safety/lawsuit issue that has popped up in our litigious society.

    The baby is older and is more likely to take a bottle at this age then she was at the time you started your job. That should be tried again, by both of you. Wishing you the best!

  5. FrugalTexan75 Says:

    Wow Tasha. It sure sounds as though you are in a tough spot. I don't have any words of wisdom, but do just want to say {{{hugs}} and I hope things get better.

  6. Another Reader Says:

    Having read all of Tasha's posts, the picture she paints of her husband and his behavior is not positive. What jumps out is his emotionally manipulative and downright abusive behavior. He appears to be a very angry person that is taking his anger and frustration with his life out on Tasha. She allows him to continue his bad behavior by agreeing to make the changes he wants "...to stop his ranting and anger..." All that does is to encourage more ranting and anger to get his way the next time.

    In Tasha's shoes, I would seek counseling for both of them. If the husband does not want to participate, if I were Tasha, I would go by myself. She may decide that this marriage is not in her or her child's best interest.

    In the meantime, I would separate the job from the husband. You both can work on getting the baby to take the bottle, but as the primary caregiver during the work day, it's his responsibility to take care of the baby at home while you work. Wherever you work, the problem will need to be solved. He can figure this out.

  7. rob62521 Says:

    So sorry things are not working out for you. Hope you can find a job closer that you like.

  8. PatientSaver Says:

    I am sorry you are having such a time of it and yes, I agree, both hubby and employer are being way unreasonable. I know you were excited about taking this job. Bottom line is, husband has no right to tell you what to do with the job when HE is not even working. If he were able to say, i don't want you working there and you don't have to because I can support us, that would be one thing. But he is not supporting you, so I think he should desist from telling you what to do!

    At the same time, employer sounds kind of jerky to me. What's the big deal about non-employees coming onto the property. Is this like a top secret kind of work? I don't get it. Especially knowing you have a little baby, you would think they might try being a bit accommodating to an employee when they are expecting you to stay late to finish things up.

    I'm not sure the last minute work is a time management problem on the part of your boss; it sounds like she's taking advantage of you. Of course she would know if work she gives you last minute is going to extend your workday. Are you getting paid for this extra time there?

    I agree that for as long as you continue to be the family's chief breadwinner, like it or not, your husband needs to accept responsibility for childcare. If he can't hack that, he needs to get a job. If he's not even looking, shame on him for complaining.

  9. Petunia in a Flower Garden Says:

    Tasha, I'm sorry that this is working out that way, and I empathize. It sounds like your boss isn't terribly flexible.

    My husband sounds a lot like yours emotionally. . . and I think, as unappealing as it probably sounds, that you might want to consider what Another Reader is telling you. My situation when Daisy was young was similar - my husband wanted what my half-time, work-at-home corporate job gave, but he also wanted everything that a stay-at-home wife-and-mom could provide. And he wanted my undivided attention whenever he wanted it. If he didn't get everything the way he wanted it (and who does, with a baby?) I paid emotionally. (He also did not want to do any of the childcare, similar to what you are experiencing.) I did what you are doing now - attempt to placate him at all times. And you know what? It just lead to more tantrums, and continued lack of personal responsibility on his part.

    I don't know if standing up to him and forcing the issue would have worked then. . . but I do know that my situation has only gotten WORSE over time. I am standing up to him and forcing the issue NOW, and it is not pleasant. I finally got to the point where the stress of walking on eggshells for 20+ years had an extremely negative effect on my health, so I feel like I have nothing left to lose.

    Take this for what it's worth. . . free advice from a stranger on the internet. . . I wish you well, and hope things ultimately work out for the best for you.

  10. bluesfemme Says:

    That is tough, being squeezed between your husband's and your boss' expectations. To be fair to your hubby and mine, in my circumstances it was because he could see the effect on my health and happiness, but he just couldn't seem to understand the other circumstances that flowed from such a decision. If it was that easy I would have done it already.

    I hope you are able to get some recharge space somewhere; I was horribly stressed and just kept re-running situations constantly in my head which didn't help.

  11. Mooshocker Says:


    Two very important things: First, I have never fully disclosed what I do for a living. Nor will I. However, let me strongly suggest you contact an attorney immediatley. Each state maintains very specific statutes on family care. I wish I could offer more, however, besides about 1000 miles, there are obvious other reasons as to why I can't. That said, please, do not tarnish your employment history with a no call/no show/no notice mark. That will follow you longer than bankruptcy.

    Second, after having read the above replies, and taking into consideration I am 1/2 the reason I am no longer married, thus, unworthy of any marital advice, I have to agree with the sentiments shared and with all do respect, that your husband is behaving in a very prideful, immature manner. Placing the expectations upon you and/or your employer to accomidate the needs of your child during normal working hours which are not necessarily life or death situations nor considered a family illness that needs taking care of (FMLA) is extremely innappropriate and disrespectful. Yes, there are about three or four different aspects of your post that could really get the employer into hot water with the NYS Labor Board and for that, shame on them. But, your husband needs to consider your happiness, desire to work/earn in a field that you are passionate about and do all he can to support you in that. Mr. Mom needs to step up and take control of his responsiblities while you take control of yours. Best of luck.....Jamie

  12. Looking Forward Says:

    That is really tough!
    First, I don't see a problem driving 30 minutes each way for work. I DO see how it's probably a drain on time & money to have both you and hubby make that drive daily.
    Hubby was not supportive to start with and it seems he will find anything negative to pick at. That sucks!
    I also think your boss is taking advantage of your wanting to make a good impression. There is no reason you should stay over so late & so frequently. AND there are labor laws dictating when you legally must have a meal break.
    This might be a good job when DD is older and in school, but maybe not such a good fit for right now.
    I would absolutly give two weeks (or more) notice and in writing. If your boss has a boss or manager I would get them a copy of the letter too. Describing the facts that you are leaving because you cannot con't to stay so late, skip meals or not provide breastmilk for baby.

  13. ceejay74 Says:

    I hate to dump on, but I do think your husband asks way too much and offers very little in return. I'm sure you use this blog to vent, but I honestly can't remember any post that was 100% "yeah, my partner did the best thing for me, unselfishly and willingly." At a certain point, I do wonder. I mean, some women just CAN'T nurse, and their babies figure out how to take the bottle. Have you checked with any specialists?

    It does suck (no pun intended) about your job, but my job too had a moment where they weren't going to give me a new pumping room when the office I was using got assigned to someone. I looked up MN statutes and they were very noncommittal, talking about how an employer should make "a reasonable attempt" to provide pumping facilities. (Several people stepped in to offer their offices, but at that point I decided I couldn't take it anymore and decided to stop pumping altogether and transition to formula.) I don't think employment laws are always on a woman's side, (though Mooshocker's comment gives some hope), but I don't think you should let your husband use that as a weapon when clearly he's just skulking around looking for reasons to make you quit the job.

  14. snafu Says:

    Tasha I read your description of employment problems heaped on you from DH, employer and baby, and know full well if it were DH holding that job your reacting badly would not be acceptable. I recall being a SAHM with an infant when DH was thrilled to be asked to teach at a prestigious university 90 miles away. It sure wasn't acceptable for me to complain about the cost of commute, staying overnight & meals out if weather made the commute difficult. I see this like 'Another Reader', ...'the more you give the more he grabs".

  15. PatientSaver Says:

    Just a quick note to add, I have to disagree with moonshocker and a few others here about how important it is to give 2 weeks notice if you decide to leave. At this point, you have a lot to think about, and a lot going on, and you know what? If it's convenient to you to give notice, then do so, but if it will complicate things and if it will create more stress, I wouldn't angst about it.

    The omly repercussion of not giving notice is that you probably wouldn't be able to use that particular employer for a reference. But if you've only been there a few months, how valuable a reference, really, would they be? If it's a low paying job, they can replace you quickly; they will only be annoyed and, really, that's not your problem.

    I feel badly that you are being stretched this way and that because of other people's needs and desires. Do what's best for you!

  16. scfr Says:

    One question for you (obviously in the realm of fantasy but also very serious): If, when your daughter is a grown woman of 35, she is able to look back on your life right now and view it as if it were a movie, what decisions and actions would you want her to see you making?

    My advice: Do whatever you decide is the "best movie script" for your future all-grown-up daughter to witness, keeping in mind that she may follow your example in her own life.

  17. wisewoman Says:

    Wow.. I feel for you. Seems like you can't make anyone happy. The problem I see is two overbearing people trying to control and manipulate you. You have a voice. It's up to you to express your wants and needs.

    If you choose to leave your employer, be honest and give appropriate notice. They may decide not to take it and let you go immediately.

    I wish you luck. I'll keep positive thoughts for you.

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