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Took Job #1-DRAMA Vent

January 29th, 2014 at 09:15 am

I took the job at the multi-million dollar equestrian facility. I wish I could recapture the enthusiasm I had when I applied and interviewed- but too many people around me have said negative things about it and now I'm doubting everything.

I took the job because it was INITIALLY the job I wanted. I REALLY wanted this job. So even though I am filled with doubt and uncertainty now I took the job hoping that it will be everything I initially thought it would be.

Husband thinks the pay is a waste. He said to me last night "C'mon Tasha. Is $900/month REALLY going to make a difference to us?"

I personally think $900/month is the difference between paying credit cards in full vs the minimum. Gosh- I can think of so much I could do with $900/month! But he felt that the burden placed on the family for me being out of the house 35 hrs /week was not worth the income. That hurt. Made me feel like I am doing a disservice to the family. Made me feel selfish getting a job working with horses instead of a higher paying corporate-type job.

My 2 close friends think the pay is a waste. They said after taxes and gas it will be a wash. One told me I'll be basically volunteering to go do manual labor. And if I cant ride then there are no perks in the job for me.

I'm frustrated because I DON'T NEED the money in a desperate way. I don't need to chase the money. Sure- I can think of plenty of stuff I can not afford. But husband, baby and I live comfortably on our rental income except for a few hundred dollars short of my comfort level.

If I increased our income by about $700/month I would feel better. If I raised it by $3000/month I'd feel even better of course. But overtime/stress/deadlines/quotas and competitiveness comes with the $3000/month jobs.

Relaxation/pursuing your passion/quiet silence comes with the $900/month job.

Husband HATED my corporate job because I came home from work so stressed out, always getting work calls while I was home, going into the office at 6am just to "get ahead" of the workload.

And now he says me returning to work is not worth it unless I'm making more money.

I have held my tongue reminding him that HE has not volunteered to get a job. I didn't remind him that I paid off our mortgage, bought the rental properties, bought him the car he drives and paid for his failed business attempt. I don't want to make him feel like a loser because I know he physically cant work. Him staying at home with the baby is going to be very valuable.

But why does he make me feel like a dead weight because I'm not out there trying to get a higher paying corporate job? It's not like the job would be a really impressive high paying gig. I am not a headhunter's dream. I have degrees- in liberal arts. I've never had a big caliber job and I have no skills that are in demand. I've accepted that I wont be a big-badass corporate leader making more money than I can spend. My husband still thinks I can get that job. Which makes me mad considering he has never held that job or tried to even get a corporate job at all. So why is he telling me to go get one?

So I'm having doubts. I'm worried I'll resent my employer because I wont think I am earning enough money. I'm worried I wont get to ride any horses and I'll resent that I'm not accomplishing my equestrian goals. I'm worried I'll be expected to watch the baby every hour that I'm not at work and I wont get to do anything outside of work that I value.

Hold on- I'm about to yell at my husband.

Ok I'm back. Crying. Husband's pissed off.

He kept saying "If this is a job you enjoy then I support it." And didn't understand why it made me mad. Because it sounds like he is saying "If you come back from work everyday fulfilled and content then- that is the value of the job." But its a job. A JOB. Its not being a rock star or supermodel. It's not going to fill me with contentment and fulfillment. It's going to earn me money while furthering my knowledge in an industry that I enjoy. It will fill me with MORE happy moments than my old corporate job- but it's not like I am going to work everyday because it is MORE enjoyable than hanging out at home and socializing with my friends. So that sent me yelling.

And then husband says "I just meant that if you enjoy it enough to make up for the pay." Which sent me yelling that if the money doesn't make a difference to him then I prefer NOT to take it. If he doesn't want our daughter to go to private school then I don't need the job. If he doesn't want the attic to get refinished this summer then I don't need the job.

And at some point husband said something to the effect of "You need to enjoy the job enough to give up horseback riding. Because I'm not watching the baby while your at work all day and then again while you go horseback riding." To which I said "I cant go horseback riding anymore anyways. If I get a corporate job that pays for riding then I wont have time to go riding and you wont watch the baby. So I don't get to go riding no matter what job I take." Husband agreed and that made me sad. It sucks that I have to give up personal activities because this job takes up all time that is allotted for "Me time".

Then husband threw up his hands and walked away. Then he comes back a minute later and said "Mike knows of a cleaning lady that will deep clean the house for $100." (He knows I have a cleaning thing and dust makes me anxious.) "Maybe she can come by like twice a month and really get under all the furniture and stuff." I said- "That sounds great. I've always wanted a cleaning person. But I'll have to work like - a whole week to pay for one cleaning." And husband laughed and said something about maybe I should get a better paying job. To which I WENT OFF ON HIM telling him to stop increasing our standard of living. I was crying and yelling that "every time we get money he thinks of a way to spend it."

So we're not talking right now.

That's all. Just wanted to vent.

9 Responses to “Took Job #1-DRAMA Vent”

  1. klarose Says:

    I am sorry about your struggles. I feel the same way sometimes. I make $900 a month at my job. I have been here 3 years, and I strongly dislike the work. Sometimes I wonder why even bother. I think after you count the taxes, gas, lunch money... I am really not bringing home much. I feel like I could make just as much doing something I enjoy more. But I keep working... for now. Until I feel like something better comes along, or husband gets enough raises that we could live on one income if we had to.

    I think you should give the job a try. I know the income is not much. But it is more than you have now, and it sounds like something you would enjoy. (I have horses.) So just figure on the time you will be getting to spend around horses and learning more about them as your pay, and the money you get is just extra.

  2. Wife of the Deacon Says:

    I am sorry that you are the parent of the relationship. It might be best if you consult a marriage counselor who can facilitate communication in a proactive way. The fighting and arguing you are doing is symptomatic of an underlying problem.

    If you have enough to exist comfortably for awhile (minimum payment on debts, mortgage, living expenses) maybe you should hold off until you determine what you really want to do. Your daughter is awfully young to be worrying about private school tuition, so you won't be in immediate need of those missing funds.

    Rethink purchasing the other rental and use those funds to keep afloat for the next short term.

  3. TashaC. Says:

    Thanks for the support. I feel better KRose that another horse person "gets the value" of the job. And I still think $900/month is pretty significant! Maybe it wont pay for life all on its own- but gosh- I'd like to ask my friends how they would feel if their income suddenly DROPPED by $900/month. And then I would tell them their wage drop didn't matter because it it took away the "volunteering" element of their job.

    And Deacon Wife- I agree that husband has some depression/jealousy issues resulting from his disability. I know he would love to work and have me be the stay at home parent. We're not getting divorced- just the pain of transitioning out of both of us being home. I've been unemployed almost a year so I think my "vacation" from the real world is up. I worry about private school now because saving a few hundred a month is a lot more affordable than saving several thousands a month if I wait a few years.

  4. MonkeyMama Says:


    A few thoughts.

    First off, this job has the potential to kill two birds with one stone. & in the meantime you can look for something more ideal. It might not work out, but you won't know until you try. I don't see what the harm is in trying (Especially since you already took the job).

    What I mostly wanted to say though, was to give you some insight on hubby. I think he is just lashing out as not being able to be the breadwinner. I went round and round and round on this with my husband when we had our first child. As comfortable and happy he is in the "child caregiver role" he still experiences bouts of, "Man beat chest and make money!" He literally wanted me to quit my steady job and career path to stay home with our first baby, though he didn't have a job. He was intent on taking any crappy job he could find. The only saving grace was he couldn't find a freaking job. But while he was looking, was the most we have EVER fought in our marriage. I had told him since the day we met that I Was never staying home full-time with kids. & if he thought I Was going to quit a perfectly good job so he could be unhappy in whatever job he could find, while I was like 8 months pregnant, he was out of his freaking mind. I Was so livid at his last minute change to everything we had always discussed. (I think he was panicking as baby's due date came near). He got over it, but this evolved to him being pissed with me at times that I am not a "reach for the top" type. If I am going to provide, then I need to PROVIDE. Rolleyes Fast forward 11 years and I think we are WELL Past that. But every once in a while he will voice an opinion that he needs to get a six figure job. Just, out of nowhere it will come up, once in a blue moon. I just don't see the point. It's not his passion, it's some testosterone thing. It would be different if he was talking about a job he would actually enjoy on any level.

    The good??? He has WAY come around over the years. & it really didn't take long. I don't think the "baby" stage was his favorite, but he just loves kids so much. He's done everything he has wanted to do but was too chicken to do without me. The whole first 2-3 years of our marriage I was trying to get him to quit his job and follow his dream, before we had kids. Having kids gave him the permission and the time to do so. He literally told me a year or two ago something about how things just work out. His life was so awesome and like it just fell into his lap. I just rolled my eyes. Yes dear, all this fell from the sky... It's not what we have ALWAYS talked about.

    I know you aren't us. But I share because it might give you some insight to hubby (It's probably deeper and more subconscious than just his disability). & hopefully he will love the "dad" role and come around. It gets a little more interesting when they can talk. Oh, and seriously, I have never seen a kid who did not THRIVE with a daddy at home. I think he will start to feel a fair amount of pride and accomplishment, as baby gets older. But it takes time.

  5. TashaC. Says:

    Thank you Monkey. You made me laugh because it hits so close to home. I think I need to tell him how valuable staying home and raising the baby will be. Its hard for me to be complimentary when he is being condescending- but I DO want a normal healthy child. And without him- I cant do it.

  6. snafu Says:

    {{{Hugs}}}, sorry this job is causing such angst. It's way safer to vent here and examine advantages and disadvantages of your decision from folks who have no bias or emotional connection. As a teen I puzzled/annoyed my parents by insisting on working mucking out stalls at a stable after school, in exchange for riding lessons.

    I think you need to give this an honest shot for several months. Soft words will likely placate DH who faces change, He is responsible for baby, housework, meals and more and some people are more cranky about change than others. I don't think earnings are the significant factor for you. Contacts and learning opportunities sound promising.

  7. ceejay74 Says:

    Good observations from everyone. I also think (depending on the tone) that your husband may have meant no harm when he said if you enjoy the job then he supports you. Of course he may have said a mouthful BEFORE that which makes it a more obnoxious statement than it sounds on the computer.

    Because, if the job didn't offer ANY enjoyment, then you would probably opt for a higher-paying corporate-type job, because it would be six of one, half dozen of the other. But if it gives you time around horses and a bit of money, then it could be a good tradeoff. Like MM says, give it a couple months, and don't be shy about quitting if the tradeoff isn't enough and they aren't giving you ANY riding time (or tips).

    This is the same advice I'd give my own family. My partner is in a job that pays roughly half what she's qualified to earn, but I supported her because she loved it and it looked like a good strategic position. Now she doesn't love it so much and she's just about exhausted its strategic usefulness, so I'm encouraging her to move on.

  8. PatientSaver Says:

    Well, look, you got the job. It's unfortunate hubby is saying certain things, but this is your job, not his. So enjoy it, don't feel guilty about taking it and just give it a chance. Don't let all the negativity build up to the point where it ruins what could really be a great job, especially if money doesn't have to be your number 1 priority.

  9. Looking Forward Says:

    ((Hugs)) I say give it a shot.. If you love it - Great! If you hate it - Quit.
    Keep your eyes open for other opportunities in the mean time.

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